Morticom funny and unusual stories of transportation

Join Poker Bodys for free to meet other poker players for friendship, love and more!
Add your sexy strip poker photo, get rated and win an end of year prize!
Join for FREE! now for lots of chat, fun and maybe even love!

 

TRUE STORIES

TRANSPORT

(43 Entries)

1)
A Britannia Airways passenger jet which took off from Greece to return to the UK encountered a strange incident. A middle aged woman who had been sitting in her seat drinking a gin and tonic suddenly stood up, put her handbag on her seat and walked into the cockpit, later being discovered flying the plane.
As it turned out the pilot of the jumbo jet was her husband. International flying regulations state that someone piloting an aircraft of any type are not allowed to have a drink of any kind for at least eight hours before flying.

2)
Off the Florida coast a 280 tonne ship ran aground because of the captain's flatulence. As the ship approached the coast the captain farted, a fart so disgusting and stinky that the helmsman fled the bridge to get away from the stench. This then caused the ship to go out of control and crash into a beach.

3)
In South Africa bosses at South African Airlines looked on in disbelief when they set up security cameras to monitor their staff. They witnessed their own staff drug dealing, laundering money and even prostituting themselves. Three staff were eventually arrested and 90 more were suspended from work pending inquiries.

4)
In Spain a pregnant woman put an advert in the local paper offering to swap her unborn baby for a speedboat. Police immediately arrested her and when questioned she explained that she already had two children and didn't want any more.

5)
In the USA American football fan Frank Emmert Jnr was pulled from the wreckage of his light aircraft after it crashed into the ground. Doctors later stated that the main reason for Emmert's survival was the fact that he had a giant piece of cheese strapped to his head. Emmert was wearing the piece of cheese as an act of allegiance to his favourite football team, the Green Bay Packers, nicknamed 'The cheeseheads' because of the large number of dairy farmers who support them.

6)
In Chile, South America, in 1974, two explorers were travelling across the desert by car when all the oil in the vehicle dried up. To solve this problem the intrepid adventurers mashed up some bananas and stuffed them into the engine. The fruit pulp 'oil' lasted the men long enough for them to get out of the desert safely.

7)
Only 7% of US citizens own a passport.

8)
In April 1999, passengers on board a British Airways flight from San Francisco were put into a state of terror when an announcement came over the intercom telling them that the plane was about to crash.
As compensation BA offered passengers free boxes of chocolates. Whoopee DOO!

9)
In a small airport in Detroit, USA, in June 2000, traffic control heard someone on the radio say "Hijack" just as they lost contact with the plane.
They immediately informed the FBI who arranged for snipers to get into position ready to storm the aircraft.
But the pilot, named Jack, explained that he had turned the radio off after being greeted by a passenger who was an old friend who said, "Hi, Jack!"

10)
In Venice, Italy, a gang of robbers installed a gigantic crane across the main road to stop an armoured car carrying 1 million dollars in cash.
The gang abandoned the idea of robbing the armoured vehicle after another car crashed into the crane decapitating all three occupants.

11)
In Florida, USA, highway police spotted a car driving erratically through high speed traffic so they gave chase.
When the car stopped and they looked inside they found the driver, John Ruppell, slumped over the drivers seat in a drunken stupor.
On top of his lap however was his pet iguana lizard named Finley which was holding onto the steering wheel and had been driving the car all the time.
Police later said, "It's not every day that you see a lizard driving. He was pretty good too!"

12)
In the USA, in 1996, 7 year old Jessica Dubroff, who was hoping to become the youngest ever person to fly from one side of the US to the other, had a bit of a setback.
Minutes after taking off in her Cessna Cardinal 177 plane to begin her adventure the aircraft suddenly nose-dived and crashed killing Jessica, her father and the flight instructor.

13)
In Kalingrad, Russia, in 1999, an old Czech L-29 fighter plane had to make a forced landing when strong headwinds pushed it towards the military sensitive area.
Two Russian Sukhoi-27's chased the fighter to ground where the pilots were duly arrested, becoming celebrities overnight.

14)
A Russian Airbus A310 airliner, captained by Yaroslav Kudrinksi, was on it's way from Russia to Hong Kong when it suddenly went into a 500 MPH spin and crashed killing all 75 passengers. It was later found that Kudrinski allowed his 11 year old daughter to fly the plane!

15)
In the USA, in 1990, two 17 year old guys decided that it would be a good idea use a bathtub to sail across a 200 yard shipping canal.
Just as they were about half way across they began to get concerned about the the amount of water splashing into their "boat" and, thinking they were going to a watery grave they tried to drain the water by pulling out the plug.
The bath tub instantly sank and the two idiots were later hospitalised suffering from hypothermia.
Lucky they didn't use a sink!

16)
Only 1 in 3 British people have ever flown in an airplane.

17)
Statistically, the most dangerous part of the entire journey from England to Australia is the car journey to and from the airport!

18)
The baggage security at London's City Airport has reported a variety of unusual contents in people's luggage. These include a set of human skulls, a complete S & M kit, an antique harpoon and a dead foetus in a box.
Amazingly none of these items are illegal.

19)
In Rhode Island, USA, convicted murderer Gene Travis escaped from prison in the back of a garbage truck.
However Travis could not get back out again and the garbage men didn't know he was there, so when it was time to start compacting the garbage they had no idea that they were also squashing another piece of dirty rubbish, Gene Travis himself!
Although being crushed by the compactor Travis survived because of his immense build.

20)
In Frankfurt, Germany, in 2001, two German men attending a conference became so drunk that they boarded a plane and instantly went in search for the toilet.
Unable to locate the toilet they then left the plane, walked along the runway and entered another plane bound for Russia.
While both men were using the toilet on this plane the aircraft then took off taking them all the way To Moscow.
On arrival in Moscow they were instantly put back on the flight to Frankfurt where both of them were charged with joyriding.
It was later found that neither men were flying from the airport anyway!

21)
In Coventry, England, in 1994, John Goodband, a British Rail counter clerk, decided to straighten a train passenger's tie and was taken to court.
The passenger, 67 year old Ian Roach, made a claim of £700,000 in damages for shock, embarrassment and trespass when his tie was turned over so the label wasn't sticking out.
After losing the case Roach stated, "I am not used to physical contact!"

22)
In 1987 American Airlines managed to save $40,000 dollars a year simply by eliminating one olive from their first class salads on in-flight meals.

23)
In Johannesburg, South Africa, police who suspected a car was being used to smuggle drugs found stashes of marijuana hidden in 27 different places.
The hiding places included: inside the tyres, the petrol tank, inside the steering wheel fabric, the windscreen wipers, the air freshener, the aerial socket, the tail lights, the seat covers, behind the cigarette lighter, behind both number plates and a small quantity hidden behind the tax disc!

24)
In April 1995 a South African Airways flight had to return to Heathrow Airport, London, England, after on board fire alarms began to ring.
Puzzled investigators finally concluded that the alarms were set off by the heat caused by the farting made by the 72 prize stud pigs in the cargo hold!

25)
In May 1994 a Russian Aeroflot jet carrying 55 passengers lost control of it's landing gear when hydraulic fluid was lost during the flight.
Not able to lower it wheels to land, the crew came up with a novel idea of pouring all of the lemonade on board the plane into the hydraulic system which managed to lower a section of the landing gear making it land safely.
In Tahoe, California, USA, in the same year, two pilots faced a similar situation when their Cessna light aircraft suffered with the same problem. They urinated into the hydraulic system which created enough pressure to bring their landing gear down and land the plane.

26)
In the 18th and 19th centuries, one of the most popular scams was to deliberately sink insured vessels, a practice known as 'scuttling' or 'ship-knacking'. In 1802, Captain William Codling tried to sink his ship, The Adventure, by boring a hole in it. When the ship failed to fill with water fast enough, he began ripping up planks. By this time, help was arriving and Codling was reduced to waving off his would-be-rescuers with a 'barrage of salty oaths'. He was brought to shore, convicted of fraud and hanged.

27)
1920's New York fell victim to a 'banana peeling' craze. Typical of the 'slip and fall' merchants was one F.E Caldwell who made claims against train companies by dropping a banana peel on the floor and tumbling over on it. Caldwell was finally rumbled in Texas after making three similar claims in one month.

28)
In Essex, England, in April 1994, Mr. Des Maloney, aged 28, was practising loop to loops when his seat fell out of the plane while he was upside down.
Frantically pulling on his ripcord, the parachute refused to open and Maloney fell 3,000 feet onto the front lawn of a house.
Amazing Maloney suffered only a few cuts and bruises!

29)
In the USA, in March 1991, Air Force pilot, Craig Fisher, was flying in his $19 million dollar F-16 jet when he felt the urge to take a piss.
Grabbing his "Piddle Pack", a sponge filled pouch for urinating in, he suddenly found that he could not control the plane and the piss pack at the same time, so raising himself up off his seat to get into a better position, he accidentally hit the wrong pedal with his foot and sent the fighter jet into an uncontrollable nosedive.
Fisher escaped in his ejection seat but the plane was totally destroyed!

30)
In Buenos Aires, in June 1994, an American Airlines flight was cruising along peacefully when the flight attendant brought a tray of drinks into the cockpit for the crew.
Not having anywhere to place the tray, the reserve First Officer decided to make some room and pushed the co-pilot's seat forward.
This instantly startled the co-pilot making him kick his legs forward against the control column, disengaging the auto pilot and sending the huge airliner into a terrifying nosedive.
The crew struggled for nearly 16 seconds before they got the airplane under control but in the meantime one passenger suffered a ruptured spleen and several others were slightly injured after being thrown around different parts of the plane.

31)
In Hawaii, USA, in April 1988, a Boeing 747 was cruising at 24,000 feet when without warning a six yard long piece of the roof was suddenly ripped off, sucking a stewardess out of the aircraft.
The pilot eventually managed to land the plane safely and one passenger later stated, "The plane was disintegrating. It was only a matter of time before it came apart!"

32)
In Pakistan an Air Force pilot was landing the prized F-16 fighter plane when just as he was scorching down the runway a wild boar ran into the middle of the tarmac and collided with the jet's wheels, sending it skidding across the runway in a trail of sparks.
The pilot immediately ejected from the plane which then burst into flames seconds later and was totally destroyed!

33)
In Calais, France, Mr. Lawrence Tervit, from England, became stranded without his fare home so in a moment of inspiration he decided to build his own raft and sail across the English Channel.
After building the sea vessel out of pallet boards and bits of plastic he then set out and paddled aimlessly for 12 hours before eventually colliding with a huge supertanker which not only smashed his craft to pieces but also knocked out four of his front teeth.
Finally, after nearly 30 hours adrift, he was rescued but refused a free ride home on "Le Shuttle", saying "I have a phobia about trains, I'm much less scared of rafts!"

34)
Some plastic components of cars smell so much like female polecats that male polecats have been found in the engine compartment chewing through hoses and wires.

35)
On average there are 75,000 umbrellas lost each year on London Transport.

36)
The Lotus Elite sportscar had an engine that was developed from a fire pump.

37)
The 1933 Morris car had miniature traffic lights with red, yellow and green indicators so that the driver could signal his intentions.

38)
Some of the first trains to be made could reach speeds of up to 75 mph yet not one of them had any brakes.

39)
When the motor car act was first introduced in England in 1903 the speed limit was set at 20 mph.

40)
The safest drivers in Great Britain are between the ages of 50 and 54.

41)
In Sweden 20% of of all car accidents involve a moose.

42)
Differential gears are not a modern thing. They were first invented in China before the birth of Christ.

43)
It is still possible to travel from London to Hong Kong by train.