Morticom funny and stupid things people have done

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TRUE STORIES

STUPIDITY

(41 Entries)

1)
In Dover, England, in 1987, Mark and Laura Jones decided to cross the English Channel in their motorhome and spend a few days in Paris. Unfortunately they totally forgot to take a map with them.
The got lost in France as soon as they got off the boat and continued driving, without asking directions, until they found themselves near the Swiss border. They then realised they were in the wrong place and headed back to Paris, this time driving through Luxembourg then into Belgium and Holland thinking that they had to pass these countries to get back to Paris.
Eventually they arrived in Rotterdam and thinking they had finally found the right road they ended up in Bonn, Germany. They eventually ran out of money and had to beg for petrol money, returning to Dover a week later than they expected and driving over 1000 miles non-stop.

2)
In the French Alps, Australian tourists Neil and John McConnell were driving their clapped out Vauxhall car while attempting to cross into Italy. The roads were covered in snow and the McConnells had neglected to buy snow chains for their tyres. This resulted in a traffic jam five miles long behind them.
To keep their car from sliding over the edge to a certain death they had to drive at 5 miles per hour causing the drivers behind them to force them off the road into a side road.
Unable to turn around they had to wait 6 hours to be rescued by police who escorted them back to France.

3)
In Caerphilly, Wales, UK, a 23 year old man wandered into his local train station to sleep off all the booze he had just drunk. It was only after a train had passed over him, missing him by inches, that railway guards became aware of the man.
Police arrested the man and threw him in a jail cell to sober up.

4)
In Kobe, Japan, a bride paid $13,000 to a local acting agency for 40 fake 'best friends' to attend her wedding. There was a lot of trouble when her in-laws found out her little scheme though.

5)
In Austria, famous fast food outlet, McDonalds, made a huge mistake when they put new placemats in all of their restaurants in the country. The place mats all had a picture of the map of Austria on them, identical to a map that was originally drawn by no other than Adolf Hitler. A McDonalds spokesman stated that it had been an unfortunate coincidence, and eventually all the placemats were withdrawn.

6)
In Ohio, USA, a man stunned police officers when he walked into the police station with a nine inch wire sticking out of his head. The man then asked officers to help him find his brain, explaining that he had drilled a hole into his skull but had failed to find anything by prodding. If they were unable to help then he hoped an X-ray might succeed!

7)
In Arkansas, USA, a local resident accidentally burnt down his trailer home, killed his pet dog and injured his wife when he tried to find out what kind of liquid was in his petrol can.
The idiot used a cigarette lighter to ulluminate the contents of the can, and startled at the flame that suddenly appeared, he threw the can aside, it's contents splashing all over his home, eventually destroying it.
His wife then attempted to save the dog which was still inside the trailer home but was beaten back by the flames and slightly burnt.

8)
In Greenwich, England, a man obsessed with the Millennium Bug (computing) visited the Oxleas hospital to inform the doctors that he was sure he had swallowed the bug and by keeping it inside him he would be able to save millions of lives even though it would kill him.

9)
In the USA the army once purchased 6,338 steam cleaners for their tanks at a cost of $15,000 per cleaner (a total of 95 million dollars) but eventually found them all useless because enviromental regulations state that they cannot be used in peacetime and they are so noisy.

10)
Prussian Field Marshall, Prince Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher, who was a hero at Waterloo during the Napoleonic wars, was convinced that he was pregnant with an elephant, fathered on him by a French soldier.

11)
General Richard S. Ewell of the US Confederacy thought he was a bird. He alarmed his troops by cocking his head to one side, pecking at his food and chirping like a bird.

12)
In Turkey, Mr. Mehmet Esirgen, aged 52, wanted to cure his sexual impotence with a penis transplant, by using a donkey as a donor.
He bought three donkeys and amputated the sexual organs from each one in the hope that a doctor could perform the operation. His family were so fed up with him that eventually his son shot him in the leg.

13)
Henrietta Howland Green, heiress to $6,000,000, became such a successful moneylender that she eventually had a bank balance of $31,400,000 just in one account.
She may have been rich but she lived in a seedy apartment in Brooklyn, not allowing the radiators to be turned on, even in winter.
She never bothered to wash and only ate a tin of dry oatmeal which she used to heat on the bank's radiators. Her son had to have a leg amputated because of her delay in finding a free medical clinic.
When she died in 1916 she left an estate valued at over $95,000,000.

14)
Jack Mitton, an 18th century squire, was well known for being a heavy drinker and once startled his guests by riding a bear into his dining room.
Once, when he suffered from a fit of hiccups, he tried to cure them by setting fire to his nightshirt while he was still wearing it.
Although he suffered serious burns it did cure his hiccups.

15)
Eminent scientist, Henry Cavendish, from London, England, was well known for being painfully shy.
So he wouldn't have to meet anyone he had a private entrance built onto his house and only used to communicate with his servants by leaving notes.
Once when he bumped into a maid on the staircase he was so disturbed that he immediately ordered the building of another staircase.

16)
In California, USA, in 1975, a man sent off 62, 824 Christmas cards.

17)
In 1757 Prussian soldiers failed to win an advantage against the French army when they mistook a row of young fir trees for enemy infantrymen.

18)
In 1836 an entire Mexican army were defeated in just 18 minutes by Texan troops when the Mexican general ordered that all of his men take a siesta.

19)
In Los Angeles, California, USA, in 1975, Jannene Swift, a secretary, offically married a 50lb rock. More than 20 people were witnesses at the ceremony.

20)
In Germany, in 1999, a junior shares trader accidentally hit the wrong button during a computer training exercise which then flashed up on the computers on the dealing floors that someone wanted to sell 130,000 German Futures Bonds worth more than 11.5 million pounds.
By law the company was obliged to continue with the transaction.

21)
In London, England, the patent office received an application from a waitress wishing to patent herself.
Donna Rawlinson MacLean insisted that she met all the requirements including being useful and novel.
When asked about the incident she explained, "It has taken me 30 years of hard labour for me to discover and invent myself and now I wish to protect my invention from unauthorised exploitation!"

22)
In the USA a Geographic place name board was set up to 'Clean up' a number of American place names. So far they have changed the names of Whorehouse Meadow and Nellie's Nipple, a mountain in Arizona.

23)
In Canton, Ohio, Yvonne Bell, the Director of the Drug Prevention Programme, volunteered to take a drug test to lend credibility to the programme and failed when it was found that she had cocaine in her body.
She was fired.

24)
In England, drunkard, Matthew North, ran from a party which had been raided by police and jumped on a milk float to make his getaway.
He put his foot on the accelerator and instantly zoomed off at just 7 MPH!
Three policemen then engaged in a high speed chase by WALKING after him!
North had a driving ban for driving a steamroller while he was drunk and was later sentenced to 6 months in prison.

25)
In Moscow, Russia, 21 year old Miss Olga Karpov had an unusual way of attracting the opposite sex. She would jump in front of cars being driven by good looking men!
She later explained, "I thought that one of the men might ask me out to make up for it!"

26)
In Nebraska, USA, Judge Richard "Deacon" Jones was fired from his high profile job because of his notoriously stupid antics in the courtroom.
Some of the stupid incidents he was involved in whilst in court included swearing and lying to women, signing official court documents with names such as "Snow White" and "A. Hitler", setting ludicrous bail amounts with figures such as "A Zillion Pengos", uncomfortably supervising a young male's urine test and setting off a fire cracker in the office of a fellow judge after an argument.

27)
In the Graig Roig Ski Resort, Andorra La Vella, Andorra, ski lift operators finished their shift not realising that there was still a woman on one of the chair lifts.
The woman sustained serious injuries after spending the entire night trapped on the chair in freezing temperatures.
The lift operators later stated, "We made a mistake."

28)
In Queensland, Australia, a lifeguard decided that he needed a drink while he was working, so he went to the club house and drank some "lemonade" from a bottle.
The lemonade was in fact a sample bottle filled with the tentacles of the deadly box jelly fish.
The lifeguard survived, just!

29)
In the USA, in 1976, over 4,000,000 women with sagging breasts paid $10 each for an amazing new invention called "The Foot Pump Breast Enlarger".
The product contained a foot pump, a piece of tubing and two cups to place over the breasts.
This device had no effect whatsoever apart from causing mild bruising to the breasts and to this day the inventors have not been caught.

30)
In Philadelphia, USA, in 1994, Brenda Butler Bryant filed 335 lawsuits in the Federal Court over a period of 4 months, each one of them stranger than the next one!
One of the lawsuits filed against the Social Security Department read "Big Mac? Slave Master Now? No slave ain't master now. Ride them cowboy."
At one point Bryant's lawsuits accounted for one fifth of the court's workload!

31)
In Polynesia, in the South Pacific, a man known as 'Baggy Jake' loved his television so much that he had himself chained to it by his body piercings.

32)
On 19th October 1995, Gerard Finneran, aged 59, President of the investment banking company, TCW Americas, was in the first class section of a flight to JFK Airport, New York, when he decided to get up and help himself to the free bar.
When he was asked to refrain from doing so he went crazy, shouting, "I'll bust your ass!" before assaulting the steward.
After being warned by the captain, Finneran then pulled his trousers down and took a shit on the first class service cart. When this was discovered, Finneran was found to be wiping his arse with linen napkins!

33)
Tirl Windtree, a 29-year-old who believes himself to be an Elf, runs a support website for 'otherkin'. What are 'otherkin'? According to Tirl, "...those people who believe themselves to be spiritually and/or physically other than human. While mythological species (elves, satyrs, fairies, dragons and so on) are widely accepted as being included under the term 'otherkin', many people in the community prefer to include aliens, vampires, furries, extraterrestrial humans and other non-human races." In case you're interested, their website address is www.otherkin.net.

34)
Firemen in Hallendale, Florida who rushed to answer an emergency, left a saucepan of cooking oil on the station stove resulting in a fire that caused $10,000 worth of damage and closed the station for a fortnight. It would have been worse had a neighbour not broken in and doused the blaze with his home fire extinguisher.

35)
In Illinois, USA, Daniel Wyman and his friend decided that it would be a great idea to use a M250 firecracker to hunt the fish in Fox Lake.
After lighting the extremely powerful explosive they threw it into the lake hoping the stunned fish would come to the top but instead a sudden gust of wind blew their small and flimsy rowing boat over the firecracker, the resulting explosion sinking the boat and causing Wyman to drown.

36)
At Seltzer Dam, in the USA, in September 1996, climbing instructor Travis Hull, aged 28, died while he was teaching a group of tennagers.
Demonstrating the need for a back up rope, Travis stepped back onto the edge of the cliff and severed his main safety harness but unfortunately for him his second rope could not take the strain and he fell to his death!

37)
In Wolverhampton, England, in 2001, Mr. Steve Phillips was driving his pregnant wife to the hospital after she began to have contractions and making his way down the high street he noticed a fishing tackle shop, stopped his car outside and went into the shop to have his fishing rod fixed.
Leaving his wife in pain for twenty minutes he returned with a pint of maggots. His wife was absolutely furious and she later said, "He put his maggots before our baby!"
Steve later said, "I knew that we would be busy after the birth and I needed the rod fixed first. The maggots were just an afterthought!"

38)
In Hartlepool, England, six young women decided to squash themselves into a superloo public toilet to save money but all of them became trapped instead.
All six were stuck in the toilet for nearly three hours before a passerby heard their screams and the local fire brigade were called to cut the roof off and let them out.
The local police later stated, "They were furious at being ignored but the sounds of screams from public loos in Hartlepool isn't uncommon!"

39)
At Columbia University in New York, USA, student Yao Cheng contaminated her dorm with the highly radioactive substance phosphorous32 in an attempt to force officials into letting her change courses.
She stole the lethal isotope from the science department and tried to reason that if she had to move dorms due to the contamination she may as well have transferred her studies from biology to business.

40)
In England, wealthy postman Richard Combes, who had recently won £90,000 on the lottery, was caught stealing money from children's birthday and Christmas cards!
He was eventually caught when Post Office bosses launched a sting operation and watched Coombes pocket £400.
Prosecutors stated, "The defendant was seen tampering with mail while he was sorting it out, especially birthday cards. He took the money and kept it for himself!"

41)
Mr. Carl Stommfelder was a strange character. He spent the last years of his life living in his bathtub. He ate, slept, shit, pissed, fucked and did his business in his bath tub and even asked to be buried in it after he died.